Or is it the second?
What's introspection day?
A recent betrayal after a lifetime of love and effort at keeping open arms forced me to embrace introspection. Not only for myself in terms of "Do I really want to keep doing this?" (answer 'Yes' but not to people who say I never did, and who coincidentally are disgusting liars and chameleons of the lowest possible denominator) but also "God, how do I avoid ever EVER having my head so far up my own as as that person" and hopefully teach my children (if we can have them) and every generation after?
So the best I could come up with.
I think a holiday works best if its a bit of fun and a bit practical. Halloween lets you be anyone you want and you get loot n candy.
But what's fun about introspection? I mean I personally found a way that is loads of fun, but that wont work so well for others. Still working on it. Practically, I am just making it the date my goal plans are due, and that was just like Feb 1 plus four more days, so great.
But I also added one extra bit. I force myself to examine at least one believe that I consider core to my being and look at it as freshly as I can.
Case in point, now that I'm not Christian and not even Monotheist, is Forgiveness good? Well, I mean there is the whole 'unburden the soul' and I agree, making things personal is just toxic, but there is (to me) no great score keeper who gives me a bigger mansion cause I turned the other cheek.
So this 'not forgetting but forgiving' thing needs a bit of work. I think it is possible to dump the baggage associated with carrying a grudge whilst still having consequences for evil actions. That's not 'not forgetting' nor is it 'never forgiving' it is just establishing a set of circumstances that are a result of consequences of actions.
But what about actual forgiving?
Well it feels good, grant you that, especially if the person actually wants to be forgiven. But have you ever forgiven someone and watched em turn around and do the same thing over? God that sucks. It makes you so mad.
Now if you don't believe someone has the right to judge you just because they are more powerful than you or they 'created' you, then that makes mandatory forgiveness kinda...hard. Plus? Feels good. Negative? Potential disappointment.
Nuanced you say? Absolutely. But doesn't that then make forgiveness a subjective and at the same time reasoned endevor? Will they 'repent'? Will they do it again? Do they acknowledge that they were wrong and AGREE with why they were wrong?
I mean, let's be clear.
There's 'get over it'...everyone should do that every day. God, we carry too much of our own baggage and just need to let it go. The "four agreements" book about not taking things Personally is a good idea (most of the time).
Forgiveness is something else.
It's your own personal presidential pardon. I mean, if you are doing it, you aren't 'getting over it' you are wiping the slate clean. I've done that with some friends. A few of which screwed me over royally, didn't even know, didn't even care, but I forgave em. Glad I did. Would I now? Yes. Because they changed. Because they developed moral complexity, and because I did too and am less of a judgemental bastard than I was.
But that doesn't convince me that forgiveness for everything, even a 'most things' level and not a 'insane stupid ludicrous moron level argument' style thing.
So playing devil's advocate FOR forgiveness as blanket policy....I'm drawing a blank.
So I introspected and (surprise surprise) have exactly the same policy I did before but actually am glad I did it because I have considered the subtle nuances between 'getting over it' and actual forgiveness and when or why you should do either. You should generally forgive friends and family you want around you in the long term if it is worth it. You don't have to forgive generic fucktards who aren't worth your time and will never change.
That was fun.
Friday, February 5, 2016
Thursday, February 4, 2016
[Introspection Day] Goals 11-15
Tertiary: Blood Mastery (11)
Grr. Grumble. Will be tracking once I unpack the demonic little thing and will measure at least twice a week after I establish a baseline. The goal will based on whatever the doc sets.
Tertiary: Complete at least 5 sculpture projects, each of increasing skill (12)
I am in this for the long haul and while I think I will do the first of these around July, I will mainly focus on this after the film is done.
Be in one play or audition in five. (13)
Also October. Let's get the movie done.
Actively Keep the Blog Active (14)
This really means TGAW. Let's say at least three posts a week. So far we're doing more like....what...5-6?
Complete Outline for Cults within Cults (15)
This actually lets me do the aove So I think we'll start this after Paris. Let's see if I pick up any interesting ideas travelling abroad.
Grr. Grumble. Will be tracking once I unpack the demonic little thing and will measure at least twice a week after I establish a baseline. The goal will based on whatever the doc sets.
Tertiary: Complete at least 5 sculpture projects, each of increasing skill (12)
I am in this for the long haul and while I think I will do the first of these around July, I will mainly focus on this after the film is done.
Be in one play or audition in five. (13)
Also October. Let's get the movie done.
Actively Keep the Blog Active (14)
This really means TGAW. Let's say at least three posts a week. So far we're doing more like....what...5-6?
Complete Outline for Cults within Cults (15)
This actually lets me do the aove So I think we'll start this after Paris. Let's see if I pick up any interesting ideas travelling abroad.
Wednesday, February 3, 2016
[Introspection Day] Goals 6-10
Finish Spiders in the Sugar Factory (6)
I'll be doing this from July to October. It gives Todd an extra few months to see if he is doing the core icon or not, and it also lets me finish the physical book of Forever West (Just a lingering TC thing when I need to be moving on the Rhombus projects), as well as do the first edit pass of Heliotrope first. Still, I intend for this thing to be a work of art and will make it a very very shiny book indeed.
Secondary: Lose 20 lbs after first weighing of 2016. (7)
Ugh. I hate this goal, but it keeps coming up. The baseline of the weight will be determined by my doctor's appointment Feb 23rd. I need to do it which means tracking calories. I think Julia's fast diet is probably a good one, so we will try low calorie days twice a week and then measured days the rest with one free day a week.
Secondary: Do two "Core" Tech projects plus 6 minor projects towards "Tech Mastery" (8)
Need to do this for career reasons and its a pretty important goal in general. Right now, two of the six units consist of HTML5 and API's. I need a practical manifestation of each but I'm not sure which. Jail Breaking a phone is another one but that one will likely wait until March. So I think HTML 5 by May, API by April and that least about half the year for the two online coarses. I will iikely try to do all at the same time. The sixth I am keeping for something fun like maybe piloting a drone or god knows what.
Tertiary: Join a local literary group or writer's circle. (9)
Research for this one is paying off. We have found a place that does something that sounds like Naked City but a bit tamer the second Wed of every month and there is also an online Amazon group that I'll be checking out after I get the story submission process down (if it goes down)
Complete Dads (10)
Been there, done that. So naturally the plan for this is basically down and in motion. I've contacted Alexis and will be setting up a contract for her and shared documents this week. Should be completed in its core by July of this year.
I'll be doing this from July to October. It gives Todd an extra few months to see if he is doing the core icon or not, and it also lets me finish the physical book of Forever West (Just a lingering TC thing when I need to be moving on the Rhombus projects), as well as do the first edit pass of Heliotrope first. Still, I intend for this thing to be a work of art and will make it a very very shiny book indeed.
Secondary: Lose 20 lbs after first weighing of 2016. (7)
Ugh. I hate this goal, but it keeps coming up. The baseline of the weight will be determined by my doctor's appointment Feb 23rd. I need to do it which means tracking calories. I think Julia's fast diet is probably a good one, so we will try low calorie days twice a week and then measured days the rest with one free day a week.
Secondary: Do two "Core" Tech projects plus 6 minor projects towards "Tech Mastery" (8)
Need to do this for career reasons and its a pretty important goal in general. Right now, two of the six units consist of HTML5 and API's. I need a practical manifestation of each but I'm not sure which. Jail Breaking a phone is another one but that one will likely wait until March. So I think HTML 5 by May, API by April and that least about half the year for the two online coarses. I will iikely try to do all at the same time. The sixth I am keeping for something fun like maybe piloting a drone or god knows what.
Tertiary: Join a local literary group or writer's circle. (9)
Research for this one is paying off. We have found a place that does something that sounds like Naked City but a bit tamer the second Wed of every month and there is also an online Amazon group that I'll be checking out after I get the story submission process down (if it goes down)
Complete Dads (10)
Been there, done that. So naturally the plan for this is basically down and in motion. I've contacted Alexis and will be setting up a contract for her and shared documents this week. Should be completed in its core by July of this year.
Tuesday, February 2, 2016
[Introspection Day] Goals 1-5
Have and use a gym membership the majority of the days of 2016 (1).
Plan - Join a gym on Tuesday (literally today). Go to the Gym 3 days a week and then walk with Julia outside of the house at least one day a week. I will count working at home on the other days on a two for 1 ratio for 'majority purposes' which also lets me workout from anywhere as needed, though LA fitness, despite the grungy nature of our local place lets me work out from nearly anywhere, which is one of the reasons I chose it.
Complete a Short Film (2)
Things needed:
Time: September 2016
Location: Currently likely Atlanta
Script: Default is Dance of the Fausti or Making the Demon. Script to be written after Revolution Number Eight.
The budget for this will vary between $1500-3000 which I can do as long as I keep my job and am able to have an extra pay period in July. So far so good.
One of the three people I currently hope to work with on this is more or less a lock but another isn't returning my calls which drastically affects the scale either way. We'll see how this works. I'll likely start tracking this one the writing blog. Maybe Sundays.
40 hours of research to find project 2 and join the appropriate Org (3)
I hate to double dip on goals but as I think on this, I am sorely tempted to simplify for excellence. I'd rather do a few things well than lots of things crappily. Having said that, I'm starting to get some ideas on this. I could easily say I've clocked two hours on looking for this but sadly I suspect it will likely be one of those 'know it when I see it' but I do need a default if I can't find something that resonates more. Right now I think something associated with the journalism project is best, but I don't immediately know what that is. To have such a high priority goal be so ambiguous bothers me, but I'm not sure I have much choice. This has to be done right, and for now that 40 hours will be devoted to brainstorming.
This is the great work of the fourth life which may be my strongest talent, so it can't be ignored.
Start the Blog (4)
This is going to be in Spanish which means the innocous duo lingo goal we have is very important. It has to be at 100% before I start this and I also need to learn a lot of stuff about being an independent journalist. But I at least have a plan. I'm downloading Duo Lingo by Introspection Day and spending ten minutes a day until I get it.
This project will be somewhat secretive for reasons involving my paranoia.
Write 25000 words a month (5)
Its not happening. A thousand words a day is nice if I am getting a lot more return for my efforts, but right now everything is literally entirely on my own fuel. My current goal is 400 words a day though the arrangement with Kelly if that works will likely up this to 600-700. Success at any project could easily up this of course. Tehcnicallyi f I include blogs its more like 800 I suppose but I don't include the blog posts.
Plan - Join a gym on Tuesday (literally today). Go to the Gym 3 days a week and then walk with Julia outside of the house at least one day a week. I will count working at home on the other days on a two for 1 ratio for 'majority purposes' which also lets me workout from anywhere as needed, though LA fitness, despite the grungy nature of our local place lets me work out from nearly anywhere, which is one of the reasons I chose it.
Complete a Short Film (2)
Things needed:
Time: September 2016
Location: Currently likely Atlanta
Script: Default is Dance of the Fausti or Making the Demon. Script to be written after Revolution Number Eight.
The budget for this will vary between $1500-3000 which I can do as long as I keep my job and am able to have an extra pay period in July. So far so good.
One of the three people I currently hope to work with on this is more or less a lock but another isn't returning my calls which drastically affects the scale either way. We'll see how this works. I'll likely start tracking this one the writing blog. Maybe Sundays.
40 hours of research to find project 2 and join the appropriate Org (3)
I hate to double dip on goals but as I think on this, I am sorely tempted to simplify for excellence. I'd rather do a few things well than lots of things crappily. Having said that, I'm starting to get some ideas on this. I could easily say I've clocked two hours on looking for this but sadly I suspect it will likely be one of those 'know it when I see it' but I do need a default if I can't find something that resonates more. Right now I think something associated with the journalism project is best, but I don't immediately know what that is. To have such a high priority goal be so ambiguous bothers me, but I'm not sure I have much choice. This has to be done right, and for now that 40 hours will be devoted to brainstorming.
This is the great work of the fourth life which may be my strongest talent, so it can't be ignored.
Start the Blog (4)
This is going to be in Spanish which means the innocous duo lingo goal we have is very important. It has to be at 100% before I start this and I also need to learn a lot of stuff about being an independent journalist. But I at least have a plan. I'm downloading Duo Lingo by Introspection Day and spending ten minutes a day until I get it.
This project will be somewhat secretive for reasons involving my paranoia.
Write 25000 words a month (5)
Its not happening. A thousand words a day is nice if I am getting a lot more return for my efforts, but right now everything is literally entirely on my own fuel. My current goal is 400 words a day though the arrangement with Kelly if that works will likely up this to 600-700. Success at any project could easily up this of course. Tehcnicallyi f I include blogs its more like 800 I suppose but I don't include the blog posts.
Monday, February 1, 2016
Introspection Day Prep Day 1
Feb 5 is Introspection Day, the day where I question at least one thing of my basic beliefs, but its also the day when plans for all my goals are due. First things first, going to prioritize my goals based on a combination of doability and desirability and necesity. A goal without a plan is just a nice to have. That's why the plan is due by Introspection day, with specific bench marks. Priority also helps me know what to choose when time is limited. So basically the plan is that I'll come up with a plan for the first 15 and then just do the best I can after that for the others. Might do a post on Friday for the rest, but the sheer number of goals forces decisions sometimes. It's always been a struggle back and forth but I think its probably better to have a bit too much than to little. It's all good. I enjoy it and its the closest I have to a dogmatic focused spiritual path at this point.
Physical
Primary: Have and use a gym membership the majority of the days of 2016 (1).
Secondary: Lose 20 lbs after first weighing of 2016. (7)
Tertiary: Blood Mastery (11)
Mental
Primary: Complete a Short Film (2)
Secondary: Do two "Core" Tech projects plus 6 minor projects towards "Tech Mastery" (8)
Tertiary: Complete at least 5 sculpture projects, each of increasing skill (12)
Social
Primary: Be in a play or audition for at least 5
Secondary: Find a long term political organization I can join and actively support
Tertiary: Join a local literary group or writer's circle. (9)
First Life
Complete Dads (10)
Second Life
Complete physical book for Spiders in the Sugar Factory(6)
Third Life
Be in one play or audition in five. (13)
Fourth Life
40 hours of research to find project 2 and join the appropriate Org (3)
Fifth Life
Step up the stars (*)
Sixth Life
Start the blog (4)
Bonus
Write 25000 words per month (5)
Complete Julia's Novella (20K)
Finish Spiders in the Sugar Factory (6)
Actively Keep the Blog Active (14)
Actively Keep the Podcast Active (10000)
Attend Timegate w. Sentinel Crew
Visit Paris (0)
Visit a Caribbean Island
Visit w Mom and Skip at Least Once
Find a Journalistic App
Complete Outline for Cults within Cults (15)
Complete Forever West physical book (1000)
Complete Audobook for (9999)
Physical
Primary: Have and use a gym membership the majority of the days of 2016 (1).
Secondary: Lose 20 lbs after first weighing of 2016. (7)
Tertiary: Blood Mastery (11)
Mental
Primary: Complete a Short Film (2)
Secondary: Do two "Core" Tech projects plus 6 minor projects towards "Tech Mastery" (8)
Tertiary: Complete at least 5 sculpture projects, each of increasing skill (12)
Social
Primary: Be in a play or audition for at least 5
Secondary: Find a long term political organization I can join and actively support
Tertiary: Join a local literary group or writer's circle. (9)
First Life
Complete Dads (10)
Second Life
Complete physical book for Spiders in the Sugar Factory(6)
Third Life
Be in one play or audition in five. (13)
Fourth Life
40 hours of research to find project 2 and join the appropriate Org (3)
Fifth Life
Step up the stars (*)
Sixth Life
Start the blog (4)
Bonus
Write 25000 words per month (5)
Complete Julia's Novella (20K)
Finish Spiders in the Sugar Factory (6)
Actively Keep the Blog Active (14)
Actively Keep the Podcast Active (10000)
Attend Timegate w. Sentinel Crew
Visit Paris (0)
Visit a Caribbean Island
Visit w Mom and Skip at Least Once
Find a Journalistic App
Complete Outline for Cults within Cults (15)
Complete Forever West physical book (1000)
Complete Audobook for (9999)
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